her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
