he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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