I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
