drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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