Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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