Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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