i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
