Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
