you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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