i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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