Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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