I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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