We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
