I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
