Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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