Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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