I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
