Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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