You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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