I think I died a long time ago.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
