i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
