she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
