Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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