After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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