My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize