I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
