Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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