My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drake has all the answers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
