So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
