My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have post one night stand depression
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