I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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