i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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