I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
