pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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