So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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