i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
