grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
