but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize