can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
