you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My life is pants optional.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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