where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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