I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
send nudes
from the living room?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
