I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
