a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
