Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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