I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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