We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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