Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
