chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
