This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
