I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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