Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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