i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
