Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
