Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
