batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
