Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
