it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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