Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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