Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
