Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize