At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
