I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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