one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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