Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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