I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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