i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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