The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
