She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
