Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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